I can't sleep lately. Until I'm like bone tired. And I'm so sick of medicines, so I'm trying to tough out this pelvic pain as much as I can.
There's something that has been weighing heavily on my mind and heart lately. I joined a support group for girls having miscarriages, and though the topic is depressing, I get even more depressed with people posting about their upcoming babies after loss(judge me if you'd like, I'm being COMPLETELY honest. I know someday it'll happen, or it just wasn't Will and my future, but it's hard to be in a support group, just to kinda get it shoved in my face I'm NOWHERE near being able to try again. My hCG levels are still not at zero, despite the fact all that pregnancy tissue clogged up my cervix. So, I have to wait a suggested 6 months after I hit zero before we try again....and will have many tests run as well. Not to mention I'm not entirely sure if going off birth control is gonna be so easy this time. I'm excited for those people, but it just hurts. Will & I waited quite patiently while my health worked itself out, and finally, we had a ray of hope in December after everything to see I was pregnant...but bad things comes in threes. It'll be almost 2 months in 2 weeks and 2 days, and though I don't show it, it KILLS me. There's times I just curl up and cry into the baby blankie we bought. My body still thinks it's pregnant, and it sucks to know I'm dealing with all this pain, for essentially nothing =(.
I'm sorry it's been so hard for you. Don't worry about being honest, it's a tough thing you're going through and no one understands unless they've been there. I see how being around other pregnant girls might affect you, so if it's an option, maybe start of some individual therapy. everyone has their own way of coping and you might need something more sensitive to your situation. I wish there was more I could do for you, and I know you're eager to try again. Take care of yourself as best as you can and we'll all keep praying for your health. Love you. :/
ReplyDeleteGirl, you're always able to cheer me up. Thank you sooooooooo much for everything you've done for me. I'm sincerely sorry I haven't been as kick-ass towards you. =(
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